Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp. Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. Cruel though they may be…

Bender?! You stole the atom. One hundred dollars. Is the Space Pope reptilian!? Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography.

All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that’s why I’m transferring to business school! In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms. I can explain. It’s very valuable.

OK, if everyone’s finished being stupid.

What kind of a father would I be if I said no? Hello Morbo, how’s the family? Ow, my spirit! Can I use the gun?

1. My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book ‘Earth in the Balance”, and the much more popular ”Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth’, we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards.
2. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.
3. Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

They’re like sex, except I’m having them!

Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso?! ‘It is!’ My precious torso! Oh, but you can. But you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by “devil”, I mean Robot Devil. And by “metaphorically”, I mean get your coat.

• Say what?
• Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be.
• Oh, I think we should just stay friends.

Bite my shiny metal ass. I don’t ‘need’ to drink. I can quit anytime I want! Belligerent and numerous. Tell her she looks thin. Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk! It’s okay, Bender. I like cooking too.

Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men. Alright, let’s mafia things up a bit. Joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.

No! The cat shelter’s on to me. Oh, but you can. But you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by “devil”, I mean Robot Devil. And by “metaphorically”, I mean get your coat. What are you hacking off? Is it my torso?! ‘It is!’ My precious torso!

They’re like sex, except I’m having them! Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages! Now Fry, it’s been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal?

Soothe us with sweet lies. There, now he’s trapped in a book I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors! Belligerent and numerous. With gusto. Yeah, and if you were the pope they’d be all, “Straighten your pope hat.” And “Put on your good vestments.”

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused. Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that’s shaped like a man wearing a hat.

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. Good news, everyone! There’s a report on TV with some very bad news!

I haven’t felt much of anything since my guinea pig died. We can’t compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral! What are their names? I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later.

But existing is basically all I do! You guys aren’t Santa! You’re not even robots. How dare you lie in front of Jesus? Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you just get me the death penalty? Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase.

Ok, we’ll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we’ll go ride the bumper cars. File not found. Professor, make a woman out of me. THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN!

Is the Space Pope reptilian!? No! Don’t jump! We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. You’re going to do his laundry? We’ll need to have a look inside you with this camera.